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| My Dad and Me |
I received a phone call from my
biological father earlier this week, whom I have chosen not to remain in
contact with…. for personal reasons. Now
before you start to get all judgmental, hear me out. I’m going to make this as short as possible, covering my own personal experience with him.
It’s no secret that my biological
father was an absentee father for a majority of my upbringing. During those times in which he was present,
there were a combination of good times and bad times, but who doesn’t experience
this, especially when the father daughter relationship is hit or miss at best.
There are many layers to this story;
however, this is the message I’d like to share for times’ sake. I lost my mother 39 days after my 16th
birth day, realizing that I only had one parent left, I sought out to build a
relationship with my biological father.
I not only needed it, I earnestly desired it because I considered myself
to be a “Daddy’s Girl.”
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| Dad and Me at the Circus |
Well, needless to say, it was a trying period for me. I’d ask questions about him to understand my past and of things that happened during my childhood that I could remember or about stories that I’d heard. See, my father had been very abusive physically and verbally to my mother... So, we’d have taxing conversations to try and resolve past hurts and disappointments so that we could move forward creating a healthier relationship (So I thought).
After years of trying and going back
and forth with the emotional and verbal abuse I’d received, I decided one day to
have a heart to heart talk with him about it.
I told him that I love him, but that I loved me more and wasn’t going to
subject myself to any more negativity on his part as I had grown tired of the
emotional roller coaster.
I told him that I was making a
conscious choice to do this, because it was hurting me and it was very apparent to me that
it didn’t faze him. You see, when an
individual like my biological father can’t forgive themselves of their past,
mishaps and wrong doings, it makes it challenging to interact with them
especially when you’ve forgiven them, asked for forgiveness for any hurt or
pain that you may have caused as well as expressed to them that God has
forgiven them too…
I’d love to have a healthy
relationship with my biological father, but I’m not willing to sacrifice my
sanity and emotional well being. Here, years later the energy is still the
same. He keeps saying that “People are
still mad and holding on to the past!” But the truth
is his pride won’t allow him to forgive himself and move on. He hasn’t learned to “Feel, Deal and Heal” as Iyanla Vanzant would say.
Message to Parents:
Your children
(young or old) didn’t ask to come here. Whether
they were planned or not, your children shouldn’t have to bear your burdens, or
be made to feel some kind of way about them.
It’s about
taking responsibility for your own actions and dealing in truth because “Hurting People Hurt People.” Parents
who hurt themselves bring that same hurt to the relationship with their children if
they aren’t balanced mind, body and spirit.
This “hurt”
more times than not, manifest itself into abuse, rearing its ugly head as
playing mind games, being manipulative, beating the child excessively and even
bullying them to a certain extent. So don’t
be too surprised if your child or children choose to forgo their relationship with
you in order to maintain a since of peace within themselves as adults…
The days of
a child being seen and not heard, “KILLS
THE SPIRIT and DESTROYS THEM EMOTIONALLY.”
Remember, YOU TEACH (via your actions and words) your children how to
respond, relate and communicate with you…
For You Are Their First Teacher(s).
Message to Our Young People:
You should Honor
your Mother and Father… That is to RESPECT Them. Respect Them AS Your Parents. Be respectful in speaking your truth. You do have a voice and that voice should be
heard…
And though
your parents aren’t perfect and didn’t come with a manual on how to “Raise
Children,” this still doesn’t give them the right to mistreat or abuse you “JUST
BECAUSE” they are your parents... Kids Are People and They Have
Feelings Too!
Final Words:
GOD LOVES ME… And He saw the condition of my heart. Knowing that I desired to have that father
daughter relationship so much so, that He sent a father figure (who’s also my
spiritual teacher) into my life over thirteen years ago to ensure that I
received that which I needed and desired, filling that void.
It’s a blessing
to know that where one father isn’t able to or willing to fulfill his position
as a “Daddy in His Daughter’s Life,” another man will. And for the young ladies that long to have a
relationship with their biological father, God IS WELL ABLE, yet your biological
father has to have the will. But, I LOVE HIM STILL, With the LOVE OF GOD….
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